This piece was originally posted on Tina-Michelle’s blog, The Dimpled One
So this morning I woke up to this interesting discussion on Twitter. ZiFM asked why it is the modern woman finds it difficult to submit to her husband. Answers from most of the guys ranged from blaming equal rights, women watching too much TV, women being too materialistic and women not following the Bible’s instruction to submitting to their husbands (notice how not one of them put an ounce of blame on themselves) *rolls eyes* Now, I am not married and this post is MY opinion on the matter. I’m also a Christian so I will be making references to Biblical principles once or twice.
I think for us to answer this question, we need to really define what it means to be submissive, not what some people want it to mean. The first definition when you google the word submission is “the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person”. I’ve noticed a lot of people, especially guys, who know nothing about what’s in the Bible somehow all know that verse that says wives should submit to their husbands lol. Below is that verse in it’s context because somehow the following bit about the husbands loving their wives and being capable leaders seems to get lost in translation. Please read the text before and after to get a full appreciation of what the couple and not just the wife is being asked to do.
I’m not going to conduct a Bible study class here and have an in-depth analysis of what all this means. However, I’d like to believe that any person of standard intelligence can deduce that yes, the wife is being instructed to submit to her husband but the husband is also being instructed to love his wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself
up for her. That last bit I’ve highlighted is loaded yo! Guys, are you seeing this? Can you do what Christ did for you for your wife??? It is my opinion that one cannot happen without the other. Without love there is not respect and vice versa. Submission here does not mean say yes to everything and question nothing. It does not mean you are your husbands slave. It does not mean you are his property to use and discard like some random inanimate object. What it simply means is that he is entitled to receiving the respect that is due to him as the head of the house.
Personally, I have no problem with submitting to my future husband. If it is what makes him happy, I will have no problem with kneeling before him to give him his food or whatever (because you can kneel before a man for various other reasons hahaha) BUT this will only happen if I respect and love this man and I am assured that he is there for me, that he has my back, that he is a capable leader of our family, a good father to our children, my protector, lover and friend. Without that haulume shasha. Guys, let me let you in on a secret, if you genuinely do the above for your women, respect and submission is automatic no doubt. You won’t even have to ask. Munoitirwa minana mudzimba umo and you will have a permanent smile on your face. But it’s a two way thing, it’s give and take.
Now, the problem I see these days is that a lot of people do not want to move with the times and realise that we are now in 2016 and not 1916. In our grandmother’s era or indeed even some of our mother’s times, women did not have as much choice to do what they wanted to do with their lives. A lot of them did not get any education past their “O” Levels. They were expected to get married before 25 and start a family, stay at home and look after their husbands and children. The men are the ones who went out to work and bring home the bacon. A lot of these women depended on their husbands for their well being such that whatever the husband said was law. If he cheated or abused her, she stayed “for the kids” and also because her family would most probably tell her to go back to her husband. Fast forward to now and women are a lot more self sufficient. We are educated and employed. If my husband abuses me, I have the option to leave him and still be able to look after myself and my children. I can question what he says because guess what? I am also a thinking human being with a God given brain. Unfortunately, a lot of men think that when a woman questions them, she is “refusing to submit”. Erm, no daddy, I’m questioning you so I can understand better and I might even have a better idea!
The way I see it, instead of also growing and developing together with their women, a lot of men are behaving like toddlers that are walking a few steps behind their mommy. They stop and start screaming that they’ve been left behind instead of running along and catching up. Guys, times have changed. We are not going back to 1950 mufunge. Y’all need to step up your game and get with the programme because I promise you, most women, even the most die hard feminists will respect a man who is exactly that, a man. The problem is a lot of guys think that having different reproductive organs from a woman automatically entitles them to respect and submission. Men don’t want to be men but want the benefits of a man.
I used think my views on this topic are utopian but then I have come across the kinds of men I would have no problems submitting to so I KNOW they exist. For example, check this brother @taonainnovator out. He gets it. He was talking a lot of sense throughout the discussion:
Someone recently accused me of hating men because I regularly call them out (I don’t, I love men, I actually get along with guys much more than girls…but that’s a story for another day) So to dispel such myths, I’m also going to talk to my sisters. Ladies, I think when you get married, get married for the right reasons. Get married to a man you love and respect already and who you know has the potential to be the man you need in your life. I’ve seen women get married to someone just because he is rich and then a year down the line she can’t stand the sight of him. Hakuna respect inobuda ipapo! Also ladies, in as much as we are now self sufficient and independent, I think we need to remember that this relationship business is teamwork. If you want it to work, we need to understand that the way men and women operate is different. Our needs and wants are different. Men need respect and to have their egos rubbed. We need to feel protected and loved (let me say many of us at least before I get ripped to shreds by the extreme feminists!).
I think both men and women need to stop pointing fingers at each other for not getting the kind of relationships they need and want.
For any relationship to work teamwork and communication are key. Know what the other party needs and try your best to provide that.
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Yvonne-Michelle Tina Chiangwa
Tina is a dimpled blogger, christian and features writer (check out some of her writing on her witty blog and on divasinconline.) She is a self-professed sapiosexual who speaks her mind and enjoys a good laugh. A
#ProudAfrican, Tina loves Zimbabwe and Africa.
Follow her on Twitter @the_dimpled_one